Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Blog you've HOPEFULLY been dying to read

So for the last two weeks or so, Blogger refused to let me post ANYTHING. I tried on multiple computers-but nothin' worked. So I appologize, dear readers. Here is one of the many blog posts you have coming to you. I was going to put them all in one and have a really really long post, but I may not have time to actually perfect another Shelby Eaton blog. So I'll give you stories one by one.


GET LOST.

Once upon a time, my best friend Tyler asked me to stop by his new house about two hours away from my hometown. For months I was not able to complete this task due to my status as a high school girl who is not allowed to drive two hours to see a boy (even if her mother KNOWS the boy is basically a big brother, and has been for the past four years). So once I graduated, I was free to go so him!

Unfortunately, we forgot how directionally retarded I am.

“Mary! You should come see me on the way back from your Dad’s (in Austin). It’s right on the way, you only have to make one turn and you’ll end up in Stephenville,” Tyler said. “Not even you could screw this up.”

Tyler then proceeded to give me the directions to Stephenville. He was right- it was literally just one turn different from the normal route home from Austin to get to Stephenville.

“Do you remember if it as a right or left by any chance?” I said.

“Right,” Tyler said. “Just make sure you go on 281 North.”

Sounded simple enough, so I didn’t bother with my GPS or anything.

Now before we proceed, let me give you some info on where I have lived for the past six or seven years. No one gives directions by street names, we give directions like this: “You know Billy? Bob lives right next to his grama, who lives about two blocks away from Billy’s prize goat Sally’s pen…and Bob lives right on that corner.”

So when I saw a sign that said to turn left to go on 281 SOUTH, I figured if I turned in the opposite direction, I’d be going North on 281, because this is what small-town thinking does to you. You ignore signs, and go with what you “figure” is right.

Epic.

Fail.

So I’m diriving along, and I have not seen a single sign that said “281 North,” but I figure it’s like Mopac in Austin, which has two names, Mopac and Loop 1. I continue driving, blaring Misty Edwards and worshipping Jesus in my car having the best time ever, until I saw a sign.

“ELDERLY MISSING. IF SEEN, CONTACT 555-5565. “

Is that not the saddest thing EVER? Of course it is! I called Tyler about it IMMEDIATELY.

“TYYYYYYYLEEERR!”

“…yes, Mary?”

“There’s an ELDERLY missing! Isn’t that just awful! He’s probably wondering around with his cane trying to find his dentures and they are nowhere to be found…that or he was Elderly-napped! Who would do such a thing? What is this world coming to Tyler?! This is just so sad!”

“Oh my God Mary. Where the heck are you?”

“I dunno,” I said. And I meant it. “There’s a pancake house here though. Think I should try it?”

“Are you even on 281?”

“Hmmm….nope, I think I’m on 170.* But I think it’s the same thing, like in Austin, there’s this one road called Mopac, but some people call it Loop 1 and it’s very confu-“

“MARY! Oh my GOD. Turn around or pull over!”

I then took the nearest exit and pulled into a vacant parking lot only to find that I was in Kaleen, TX. Or more relevantly, two hours away from Stephenville.

“You know what’s weird?” I said to Tyler on the way back to Lampasas, where I made the wrong turn (he refused to get off the phone with me until I saw a sign that said “281 North”). “If that elderly had never gone missing, I would have never seen the sign and thought to call you. I would have been lost for EVER.”

Tyler thought that I was kidding, but I most certainly was not. Things do happen for a reason, you know.

1 comment:

Kait said...

I was wondering where you had disappeared to! Glad your are back and with tales of adventure no less.

I am also directionally challenged. I get lost sometimes going to places I've been before. My dad cannot even count the number of times I have called to say "Dad? I'm lost." If I am ever going to drive someplace new my parentals freak because they know the impending situation of my lostness is coming.

I am glad that you found your way to your friend! Did the sign have any descriptions of what the elderly even looked like? I mean I see many elderly everyday if I just saw a sign stating "elderly MIA, Call." I would feel inclined to ask every oldie but goodie I saw if they were lost. Even lost dog posters get descriptions.